To the beach, that is… I had fun, but I feel like we didn’t plan it as well as we should have and the reason for that is… (besides money which is ALWAYS an issue), some of it, we just did not know how it would turn out, so we couldn’t really plan for it, ya know?
The majority of our trip was spent in the car…, partly due to money, and partly due to not planning enough or taking the right things to occupy the kiddos. So… I’m trying to let the crummy parts of the trip roll off and just focus on the fun parts and possibly even re-frame some of the crummy parts into a new way of looking at it. I mean, the rental car with deposit and all was about $500. However, we looked online and if we plan the trip at the right time, we could fly round trip for 2 people, along with the hotel for the week AND a rental car while there for a little over $1,000! Plus, if we had rearranged our drive… we would have had more time with all 4 of us (we were picking one kid up) AND… I think Christmas and birthdays will bring US (Mel and I) a Christmas present of portable DVD players or something, lol! Plus, we need beach toys next time and a better more secluded beach so we can find some sea shells! Everything seemed rushed a bit and next time we will plan for more downtime so we can relax and enjoy more.
However… the beach!! Oh my! I LOVED every second there! The sun, the sand, the salt water, the smell! Last beach I saw was Daytona and unless it’s changed, it’s a dump compared to Ft. Walton Beach! I would love to visit different beaches along the coast in the future! That water was clear and green (almost like clear turquoise or mint green) and just absolutely gorgeous!
I noticed a difference in myself. I wasn’t looking around comparing myself to other women, or to see if there were any fat ladies like me, or whatever, I just had fun and I felt somewhat confident! I wasn’t worried that people might be looking at me and judging. My bathing suit looked nice and the only problem was that the bottoms wanted to slide down in the front and the top wanted to slide up, but I just pulled the bottoms up and pulled the top down. It helped that I got to dye my grays before heading down there and I found some cool sunglasses that looked good on me! I took way too many selfies with those sunglasses, lol! I like this new version of me, just being who I am and trying to enjoy the moment!
I still have work to do though! If you look at my body… you would think, ya know, if you just cut the belly off, the rest is ok, it can be exercised, toned, rounded… but the belly. THAT is my nemesis, it’s huge and it gets in my way in practically EVERYTHING! It makes walking hard, it makes intimacy difficult, it makes clothes looking decent near impossible. It makes me look like i have chicken legs. I can’t sit and bend straight over to tie my shoes, I can’t shave the bikini line, I can’t paint my toe nails, I can’t see underneath my stomach… I realize that stress causes cortisone levels to increase and cortisone causes stomach fat. I had ALOT of stress for ALOT of years and I gave up on exercise at times and I gave up on trying to look good and I had people who were supposed to love me tell me that now that my stomach had drooped and had gotten so big that no matter what I did, no matter how much I lost or how much I exercised that I would never get rid of my stomach flab and that it might even hang lower and that I would NEVER have the money to get a tummy tuck, etc… I had an unexpected pregnancy at 27 and while pregnant, the stomach got huge and I had that droop all of a sudden where the hard pregnant belly was higher and that lower droop was loose and flabby, and then after EACH baby, I would gain 30 pounds in 3 months and I believe now that it was post-partum depression.
ANYWAY… I have decided that if I lose weight that I might still have a stomach and it might be flab, BUT… it will be smaller and easier to maneuver and it will, if nothing else SMOOSH easier! 😉 AND… maybe I will have insurance that will pay for skin removal?? I don’t want to be SKINNY, but I want to be able to move and function and improve my HEALTH and hopefully my life span expectancy! I have alot to live for!